My best friend exorcism (horror movie)

 

Terrible! doesn't work as a comedy and much less as a horror movie. Grady Hendrix is one of those Stephen King-like authors that write the book thinking on the script adaptation, and as you can imagine the resulting content is far below those who try and make literature.

 I cut through the chase and went straight to the movie only to find it still worse than I could imagine.

Ava (action movie)

 Solid action movie, with a classic assassin approach, nothing new but entertaining. The ending is a bit lacking due to the ever-present need for a sequel, even though is clear that there won't be any. If any movie producer is reading this: there's nothing wrong with single movies!

The Cloisters ( "horror" romance novel)

 Just like there are a lot of male author wankers jerking over their characters Katy Hays lures us with the promise of a magic Tarot card that will unveil some unphantomable mystery and then offers us yet another love triangle story. Well, more like a love square or a love arrow. While the Heroine of the story appears to be Ann Stillwell since she narrates the story the real protagonist is Rachel. Everyone is in love and had sex one or multiple times with Rachel: the sexy masculine muscly punk-rocker gardener, the sexy mature chiseled-jawline smart-looking insightful art curator, and of course, Ann. There's some Latin and the Tarot cards eventually show up, like about half the book, but there's no magic: it's just some perverted love story with a little who dunnit. Boring, slow, predictable, and honestly disgusting. 

Not all that shines it's gold

Heart-shaped box (horror novel)

Joe Hill, Stephen King's son carries the weight of being the offspring of an author of great, if undeserved, renown. And one of horror, no less. So he debuts with "heart-shaped box" a novel with the terrible premise of some burnt-out rock star, some sort of judas priest half-assed imitator buys a dead man's suit allegedly haunted to add to a creepy collection that even he doesn't like. Well, the ghost wants to kill him. So far no surprise. The book would be intrasendentally entertaining if it wasn't for the sexual abuse mudding every single page of the book. From the round pale ass of some goth teen, the rocker got into into snuff movies passing through child sexual abuse and God knows what else. Let's be honest here. Had I known this was Stephen King's son I wouldn't have grabbed the book, but since I only found out after trying to figure out why the story was so poorly handled I had to endure the Disney ending of happy "Age doesn't matter" couple, and honestly, all this playing around with pedophilia has me wondering about the author's sexual deviants. I sure wouldn't let my kids near him. The characters are all flat as a board and have little to no thinking of their own. They behave like puppets. The Overall feeling is that of disappointment. For future readers, Judas Coyne does not play Death Metal. 3/10

The Haunting of Hill House (Horror novelette)

While there were some confusing moments I do feel that this is a horror story, something that not all "horror" books were able to provide. Hill House gets in your head, and the supernatural moments aren't just some random ghost hanging on the hallways with a menacing dagger. The atmosphere is effectively claustrophobic and the humor is well dozed and smart. The only problem is that the characters, especially the three co-protagonists feel somewhat Samish, and of course those inside the mind Eleanor moments that ruined the rythm of the story. 

Watchers (Dean Koontz)

 Plot reminder: Some evil government scientists create two human-like intelligent creatures through DNA experimatention on animals. Koontz explicitly uses the mirrored resource, in which the deformed kill-monkey was known by the edgy name of "the outsider" is the personification of evil, and Einstein (what a terrible name) is a very smart golden retriever, a representation of pure goodness. Dean Koontz is a very famous writer of late, allegedly "the best writer of thriller and suspense" and as such I was expecting a lot more. Such a coarse and obvious usage of the resource makes it stupid and as a reader, I feel underestimated by the constant reminder of how evil the monkey is and how kind the dog is. Anyway, the experiments escape and now the dog finds a companion on Travis Cornell, an ex delta force operative and an obnoxiously shy girl whom Travis gets an instant crush on. They get married and decide to have a baby after six months of knowing each other, instant crush I mean. Together, they have to escape the persecution of the NSA, a professional assassin, and "The Outsider". Objectively speaking, if it wasn't for a fetish I have with dogs the book would be among the worst I've read. The premise is absurd and it sounds like a bad B-class horror movie, the pacing is sluggish for a story versing on persecution and the characters are unnecessarily obvious and sexist. Since minute one I expected the book to explore the grey of morality and the binary good/evil characters to turn out not to be so black and white. It never happens. The ending also leaves a lot to desire, and it's an ending I'd expect from Disney's micky mouse with who the author seems to have an obsession over. 4/10

The House on the Borderland (Cosmic horror novelette, Hudgson)

A precursor of cosmic horror, Husson has employed the resources we've seen in Lovecraft and many others years before it was cool. I have to say that half the book had this surreal ambient that although well-written it's far from my taste. On the other hand, the horror/survival part of the book, the one set on planet Earth was so compelling, so thrilling, and naturally horrifying that I thoroughly enjoyed those parts. For next readers, skip the following chapters: la llanura del Silencio, la tierra, el mar del sueño, el despertar, and all the others up to "Pepper", Pepper not included. Since I only liked half the book, I'll score it 6/10 but it could potentially be more.