AK-xolotl (Roguelite, now with Axolotls)

If this looks like Gungeon or Nuclear throne, or any of their many derivatives it's because it's literally just that

Lisa: Don't buy it! It's the same grindy, souless action roguelite they've been publishing since 2017, only they now changed the sprites to Axolotls!

Smithers: But it has Axolotls!


Crowd: *Cheers!*
It was "overwhelmingly positive" but they got a couple bad reviews since the multiplayer patch

 The only fun part of Akxolotl is trying new weapons, unfortunatly most of these have to be unlocked, and even more unfortunatly those that you unlock are generally worse than the base ones, gameplay wise.

 While the graphics and sprites are interesting, it's not enough for rhe game to escape avarage, and the unlock/meta progression demands an unreasonable amount of grinding. This is clearly one of those cases where the devs should've invested more in something other than cute sprites

Infectonator Survivors (Getting out of the to-be nuked city onto the next. Maybe go for a country house instead???)

PR: The zombie virus from Infectonator has already destroyed a significant portion of the population, so the goverment decides to bomb all major cities, and the not-so-major ones as well. Now, the game calls it "nuking" but I'm gonna go ahead and suppose that the game goverment, as stupid as goverments are in zombie media, wouldn't really pollute the already apocaliptic world with radiation just for the kicks of it. 

As a group, or rather a ragtag bunch consisting of a so-called scientist, a "policeman" that can't stop repeating "Stay frosty guys", a cheerleader that's suspiciously good with guns and a... construction worker? Fireman? Lumberjack? Something blue-collar like that, you have to fix a car that's thoroughly destroyed and it's apparently the only car in the city in order to get out the city in fifteen days. 
In case you're wondering why not just walk out the city during the fifteen days rather than look around for autoparts that may not even be there, adquiring some from dubious characters and praying RNGsus for the rest, yeah. That's not an option, do these look like walking shoes to you?  
I would like to mention that when you eventually adquire the car, it breaks down after reaching the next city. Why did they choose to go to another city when the goverment is bombing cities? Good question

They changed it to "journalist", but I swear it was cheerleader for like a decade

 
Really good looking, and entertaining for the first couple hours.

 As the gameplay advances and you start seeing the same five maps over and over again, fighting the same zombies, some of which are extremely annoying like the really tanky, speedy one that explodes on death and kills everyone close to it, the fun starts draining really quickly.

 Pair to this, the game is plagued with mechanics that make everything feel like a drag. The characters walk too slowly, the "exploration" maps are too big and you need to cover 80% of it while being sieged by Zeds, if you don't have a specialized character "search" takes thirty seconds and you have to do it dozens of times per map.



 I'd give it a lower score, but I can't shake the feeling that it could be a good game if someone put some work into it. 4/10


A man called Otto (Drama/comedy movie)



God takes it with one hand... And punches you with the other. Or at least that's what poor Otto tells us after failing to suicide at least three times. Honestly, it's hard to say if it's a movie against or pro-suicide, don't let the "comedy" tag fool you, this is a plain drama with just a couple of jokes in between.

 And it's pretty sad and well done too. I didn't cry and the whole act with the neighborhood rounds and the car fetishes aren't my things, but it was mostly enjoyable. 

Finch (post-apocalyptic drama movie)


Decent movie with the somewhat cliché premise of the human-like robot. Like all the stories of the kind, humans are depicted as evil and AI is good for some reason. The drama comes from the hand of the guy that created the robot, whos dying of cancer or something. Nothing memorable, but had a nice time with it. 

Against the Ice (Realistic "madness" horror, nature-survival movie)



A very slow, very predictable movie. The plot twist was anticipated by the very characters, characters that whether because of insufficient script writing or else fail spectacularly at being interesting. The ordinary captain is boringly severe and the young one is stupidly nonchalant. The hallucination woman that they find later feels like a plot hole. They maim dogs in the movie too. I find that the title of the movie is a warning from the filmmakers of their hatred against survival, and their determination to make the worst possible historical drama, costing the greatest amount of money to their producers. 


The Nevers (Drama steampunk TV series)

 

"And when would you say our show will get good?" "Don't make me say the pun" 

 Plot reminder: Some aliens pop out of the blue and started giving away magical powers gods know why, powers that range from floating stuff to casting balls of fire. The democrats say "Cool, I like magic powers" and the republicans are like "And who controls the magic powers?". Well, they don't go by that name in the series.

 In the future, they have these chuuni, cringy-ass names like "planetary defense coalition" and "the FreeLife™ army", because the series goes forward in time at the end of the season, since as it turns out, one of the characters it's actually from the future reincarnated in the past at the good ol' light novel style.

 I often mock those who said that something was lacking a "Je ne sais quoi" but for the first time, I see with my own eyes how difficult is to see exactly why the series doesn't work.

 There are a lot of unnecessary sex scenes, and the "reincarnated from the future" plot twister was awful, the characters are difficult to believe, especially in the eighteen-century scenario in which the series is settled, mostly the whole thing with the orphanage of supergirls seem like a failed "umbrella academy" for adults... But none of these things are enough in themselves to say that the series is boring.

 What I think happens is that the scenes are poorly liked by the others and the stories of the characters rather than having a synergic relationship are more like a parasitic ones, the unnecessary sex scenes pile up leeching the rhythm from the story and the character development is badly driven, at least for the insane amount of characters they introduce us.

 I don't recommend it, it's a pseudo-intellectual waste of time    


How to survive 2 (Pump bad survival zombie games while TWD is still hot)



  Horrible, horrible. Perhaps the developers should do a DLC on how to survive the boredom this game is. I wouldn't be surprised if this had been a facebook game that someone attached a few more gimmicks. The problems? Same as every bad zombie game. 

The "survival" elements don't feel like survival but more of a jam in system to avoid the player from lingering too much in one place, the combat is extremely repetitive, the fetch quest to build the base are a bore, and the base building is purely progression rather than a customized experience, which is wrong. 1/10 


Smile (Imagine "it follows" but it's actually decent)

 

 PR: Some kind of demon that comes out of nowhere, and might or might not be ubiquitous rapidly possess people through trauma or something like that. Some rando kills himself with a smile in front of you and then you got 4-7 days until the same happens to you, unless you kill someone else with a witness. Which doesn't happen in the movie. 

With the same premises of "it follows" and the sanatorium + possession formula the movie is not particularly inventive, but along with the gore, it gets the job done. One hour forty minutes, out of which the first forty minutes are introductory and the last hour is quite entertaining. 4/10

Not that creepy, really. More like weird and funny


Doomsday Hunters (Dr. Acula: Nine years adding problems)


 Recently I asked myself whether I should try to develop my own video game seeing that people apparently run out of ideas, and then while browsing I  saw this game that had a neon sign saying "AFTER 9 YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT, FINALLY OUT!!!". I'm like, wow. Nine years? What a commitment. The game looks fine, roguelike shooter, top down pixel graphics. Lots of showcasing sprites. Lots of that. I give it a go. The story is really silly, but since the game doesn't take it very seriously I'll just ignore "Dr. Dracula: time traveller" thing. But It he real catch is... It's practically unplayable! Nine years of development and what you gotta show for it? Dozens of weapons that run out of bullets so quickly it's impractical to use them, some weapons, relics and items that solve your entire run and a lot of fillers that are garbage, súper expensive meta progress in which a single upgrade can translate to days worth of gameplay, magic that is useless, chests that won't open and unbalanced bosses, classes that don't make sense such as the one benefiting from touching grass in the middle of a fallout wasteland, and the list just goes on and on. What were they doing all these years? Adding problems? 1/10


Sheltered (Pixel art survival game)

Your usual Fallout setting, nukes dropping out of the blue for no reason except that apparently human race is stupid enough to bomb the entire planet. It's in our nature or something like that. Maybe it wasn't asteroids that caused the extinction of Dinosaurs but mankind doing nuclear routine, who knows?

Point is that you've an underground vault and four people to provide with water and food, two adults and two children, for as long as possible. While having "children" in your group might seem as a handicap, in Sheltered age doesn't really matter. Or strength, size, experience, or well... Anything but RNG.

A 1 strength child might knock out cold a full-size bear with an uppercut and a 20 strength adult equipped with a sledgehammer and dozens of battle experiences in his pocket might get his every attack blocked by some barehanded hobo. Who knows? Maybe you get that one piece of common material you need to finally get a necessary upgrade or more probably you'll get twenty more of whatever is it that you have the most.

I was hunting for hours in the lookout for hinges and didn't get nothing, and after getting one they started to come by the bulk. I end up having to build extra storage thrice just to put all those hinges somewhere!

Overall I'd say that the nice art and the whole bleak scenery might give you a couple of runs worth of fun but after that the faults of the game start to become too evident and ruin the experience. For an instance: there are five stats, but none of them matter because the game mechanics are unbalanced to the point I doubt they've been tested.

Battle is discouraged since the rewards are never worth the risks, not of losing the survivors that are easy to recruit and interchange but of losing the items they carry, worth several times more than them, and even if you engage in combat the game practically forces you to end them in your first turn either by killing them with a rifle (the only ranged weapon that hits the target) or by "subduing" them, which means rolling a dice to instantly kill them.

All of this makes forming warriors a waste of time and resources. The trading system is also too random with the values of the items not being related to their practical worth but to some kind of perceived value that'll have you trading 5 cans of food, 6 bags of concrete, 10 bars of iron, 10 plates of steel and a truck full of electronics for some soap, and Charisma barely has any impact on trade.

Intelligence increases the chance of recruiting new survivors but these literally come day in between to knock at your door begging for a place to stay, and lastly Perception also has little impact.

Then there's the problem of common sense. The developers were so focused on having this harsh world that they made the characters in it to be mentally impaired.

Situation: you have a starving colony, people are dying of hunger and there's fresh meat, caught in a trap just next to the vault... But you can't get it because there's no refrigerator.

You got everything to make the damn fridge, but you got no hinge. Can't just build it without a hinge.

Situation: survivors come back from a perilous expedition and the stuff they bring back doesn't fit in the small cardboard box at the center of the room. Do they put it in the giant empty room? No, they toss it outside the base for anyone to grab.

People walk around with gas masks and they don't get radiation sickness, your survivors do. If you don't have any, you can't use one of the hazmat suits your vault is equipped with.

Survivors keep nagging you via radio about if they should explore the places you specifically send them to, and then they ask if they should check the items. No, just leave them, I just wanted to check if the hospital was still there, dumbass!

To cut it short, the game needs a lot of work, but devs moved onto Sheltered 2, which is basically the same game but 2.5D and more bugs. Gee. 4/10

 

Subnautica (Crash in water planet and craft stuff to get out of there game)

 Some dude crashes for no reason on some planet we know nothing about, and without any commentaries or worries of any kind he nonchalantly begins to swim in the apparently endless sea, gathering random bullshit  that might come in handy later, or maybe not.


I've only played for five hours and watched a funny let's play parody, so I might be wrong, but I sincerely don't understand what the guys that call Subnautica a masterpiece have in mind. Sure, the graphics are gorgeous, I'm personally very scared of the open sea, extra if its at night, I'm very fond of the opening scene of Bioshock 2 and this got some of those vibes, but does that mean it is a good game? Not necessarily. Subnautica leaves the players to figure out what to do which would be fine if not for the against common sense mechanics and the sci-fi setting. For instance, the first thing I did was to build a knife and hunt a fish, but it turns out I couldn't even grab it once it died. Instead, I should've grabbed the smaller fish with my HANDS, then processed it in the fabricator for later consumption. Crazy! How is a guy swimming able to pursue and catch small fish? Or what to do next. Logic reason begs to get out of the planet, which needs salvage from the wreck ship you can't access until it explodes or getting to land which is nowhere to be seen and you have no way of moving the shuttle you are staying in. So basically you craft random stuff that unlock some other random stuff waiting for the right RNG combination to trigger  an event that leads you into a very disappointing ending, using one of the cheapest, most cliche sci-fi tropes. 3/10


Introducing NO HOPE rating system

The conventional five-star and ten-out-of-ten rating systems have become stale, visually uninspired, and inadequate for capturing the nuance...