One is often against the question "What would the child me would think of my actions?" but rarely one ask "What does the actual me think of my past actions?" mainly because memories are deceitful and one thinks better of things done in the past- except for that love letter written to your crush, a poem included.
And I found myself in this rare situation with "my vampire system", a web novel I used to like. After 246 ten-page chapters, I can say with absolute certainty that this book is a guide on how NOT to write a story. Beginning with the grammar errors, and we're not talking ONLY of mixing "your" with "you're" or "they", "their's" with "they're", putting "two" instead of "too" or "hear" instead of "here", and a lot of other mistakes like these, which would be annoying enough, but outright mixing up character's names, i.e. character A is talking with character B and suddenly, instead of saying "character A answer" it says "character Z, that's not even on the scene, answer"...
Not to mention misspelled names ("Quuin", "Vodreen", "Peeter", etc.) not to mention punctuation errors, and again, we're not talking of semicolon or colon mistakes. We're talking of. Interop, ted phrases, like. This. Worst thing? The author is from the UK, name's Jack, no ESL. But let's forget about that for a moment.
Let's assume that the story was originally written in Sanskrit or something and let's suppose that whatever internet translator the author used is at fault.
That doesn't justify the absolute lack of content and character development. The characters are flat and constantly act against the ideals they had allegedly lived their whole lives for, and there's a constant feeling of unnecessary deus ex machina.
There's a character, Logan, that's a walking deus ex machina. Some machine is presenting difficulties. Logan can hack them. Making a circus on the internet, showing off unprecedented powers, drawing a LOT of attention? Logan has a private server, that BTW doesn't have any limitations. Lost in a cave system on another planet? Logan knows the exit. The whole school is after you? Logan can hide you and has a teleporter lying around his room.
Other Deus ex: "Quuin" is lost on another planet, one that formerly belonged to the humans but was run over by monsters, and finds a locked important building. He uses the "inspect" skill and, whoops! It levels up at that exact moment and now it can tell the door's password. The plot itself goes nowhere, monsters pop out here and there, but "Quuin" is rarely pushed to his limits which is the main attraction of this kind of story. What was I thinking? Doubt your child self!
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